Chapters.

This past week has marked the next phase of my life. I’ve made a few hints about it on social, but it’s time to talk about the changes this last month has brought about in full.

But first, a momentary detour, as is my penchant to never get directly to the point.

I did the most recent Billboard Music Awards this past weekend. My sixth year on the show, and like the ACMs, there’s always a few stories that go with it.

This year's variant shot.

This year’s variant shot.

People have asked me what working these shows is like, and it’s hard to explain, as it sounds so surreal to mention well-known artists in a casual context. But I work with these people, and we work as professionals. I see these artists as most don’t: Doing rough run throughs or restarts of their songs. Wearing sweatshirts and jeans or no make-up. It’s far more personal, and interesting, and it really gives a unique insight to their creative processes. Sometimes we say “Hello”, and get a chance to talk and joke a little. Other times, we just watch their work, while lining up for our next mark. Sometimes I’ve announced huge names before a performance, though it’s never been televised. Whether it’s watching the Go-Go’s, or D.N.C.E., each story ends up being a moment.

And sometimes, they’re just really awesome people….

Behind the scenes.

Behind the scenes.

Ariana Grande actually took this selfie. I had asked after rehearsal, and she said that she’d take the photo with my phone (and honestly, how could I say “No” to that?). That girl has an amazing voice for modern pop, and a very friendly and energetic attitude. She looks like she has fun on stage, and it translates well to her music.

The other highlight was Madonna’s performance during a Prince tribute, which was apparently more controversial that I realized (There was a change.org petition to stop her – Seriously, people?). She did a cover of “Nothing Compares To You”, which was followed by Stevie Wonder walking out onstage to duet on “Purple Rain”. During the rehearsal, Madonna pointed to our little group and told us to sing along, and it… was an emotional experience. There were a lot of tears and hugs during rehearsals… hard to believe that Prince has performed just three years ago, the same as it’s hard to believe that it’s been over a month. This was an average work day, and while sometimes I take Jen to see the televised shows, it’s moments like this that make it an experience that becomes something else entirely.

In the end, it becomes a moment, and my life is defined by “moments”. This collection of random memories and experiences that have defined my life, and it’s only been more recently that I’ve been able put everything into some cohesive connection. They’re chapters. And Billboard became the countdown factor to this next one.

It’s no secret that I had struggled for a few years. Becoming lost. Experiencing loss. Becoming broken. Recalibrating myself. And all of it has led me here, and put me back on my path, with a chance to honor a promise that I made three years ago.

When Junie died, I promised that one day I would devote myself to the well being and betterment of animals, and it took me a while to get there, struggling as a square piece trying to fit into a round hole. My life’s broad nature comes with, in technical terms, compatibility issues, and I don’t always fit in someone else’s “vision”. But the funny thing is that you can work with all sorts of people over the years. Some work to be a “leader”, acting as an inspiration that reaches out to lift you up and guide you. Others “boss”, and work to tear you down, in order to mold you to their viewpoint. It’s been my finding that the formers are the ones that provide the actual knowledge and experience.

But the last few years have left me standing with a new purpose, and back to charting my own path. So I became a business owner, now working to creating a themed pet resort experience for vacationing animals, and later opening my home as a “foster house” that will help animals in need so that they can be adopted. The opportunity presented itself, and I chose to take it. Another “moment” in my life, and I could finally make good on an overdue promise, and help others like I did with Junie when they need it most. That is how I ended up with Frodo and Stardust, after all.

So it’s been website building, business card designing, house changing madness for the last month, a month that has shifted other priorities, and redefined values of “importance”. Things have to change, and it will leave me better for it in the long run.

I’m back into more of a “gig” lifestyle again, that allows for the continuation of shows, strengthening my writing projects, and the option to explore this new chapter. I feel more centered than I have in a good while. I came to terms with a lot of things on my trip last fall, and as a result feel more acceptant. I’ve inherited my Dad’s knack for storytelling, and my Mother’s affinity for animals. And sure, I feel a sharp tinge in my side from time to time… a reminder from two years ago to slow it down a little, and not take things so seriously anymore. But it keeps me focused on finding a solution that fits me.

I sat tonight on the patio, the wind on my face, and Frodo in my lap, and I’m getting used to this being my new reality. This new chapter will allow for more new moments that will blend into everything that’s come before, and further define my own story. For a moment, I allowed myself to feel a sense of peace.

“It’s a good life”, I quietly mused to myself.

Good enough….

6 thoughts on “Chapters.

  1. Your writing definitely hit the nail on the head. I could have cut and pasted several sentences… Square peg…compatibility issues…struggling loss and recalibration into my own life story. Thank you for those words.
    Now, pet vacation business? Tell me more!

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