It seems that I take moments from Doctor Who in more reflective times, but it’s an accurate summation of 2015 for me.
It feels like this story, this chapter, really began in 2014. It’s when I started to fight back to reclaim my feeling of self-control, reground my world, and refocus what it means to be “me”.
It started happening with my cross country trip to explore Texas and the East Coast again, and reunite with my family after 5 years of not making it back home. Then again with my high school reunion, which I was glad to attend, though the process in getting the “green light” to go was convoluted. Financial troubles and stress hit hard, and I ended up in the hospital. This is the cliched “It changed everything” moment, but ultimately, it did. Perhaps it was the waking up moment that I had needed. I committed myself to my life more than ever, and after years of being together being “good enough”, Jen and I finally got engaged.
It’s those steps that led me to wanting more. Wanting to be more. I started restructuring ties, breaking with those that either only called me when they “needed” something, or made it clear that they honestly didn’t care if I lived or died. The ones that broke my heart because I couldn’t help them fight their demons. I changed my routine. Changed my job. Changed my goals. I didn’t know what 2015 was going to bring, but I was willing to see it through.
And so, I did the following, in no particular order:
* Celebrated my 10 year anniversary with Pirates of the Caribbean.
* Celebrated my 20 year anniversary with Mortal Kombat.
* Worked the Billboard Music Awards again.
* Met David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Michael Bolton, and George Takei.
* Reunited with childhood friends Jeff and Aaron during their visits here, perhaps two of my most influential/cherished friends during my youth.
* Gave ghost tours around the over a century old Pioneer Saloon in Goodsprings.
* Saw the Riviera Casino close its doors.
* Camped out for another Forgotten City.
* Visited San Diego.
* Visited Lake Tahoe for the first time (via business trip).
* Visited Reno for the first time (same trip).
* Visited Disneyland for their 60th anniversary.
* Hugged a cow.
* Explored a bayou.
* Went parasailing for the first time.
* Turned 40 in the company of family and friends in Texas, New Orleans, and Pensacola.
* Shot military grade weaponry from a vehicle in a below ground bunker.
* Visited Mt. Charleston for the first time, and had a snowball fight.
Not all of my year was perfect, however. I had my credit card stolen, which shut down my bank account just before my trip. Frodo had a cancer scare, which fortunately turned out to be benign. Over the summer, I was partnered with this strange old guy that was obsessed with Delaware, Judge Reinhold, and his birthday on Halloween.
My car also broke down badly, and the repairs never took hold, draining the money I was setting back to get married, so Jen and I didn’t in 2015. It’s set for a 2016 date now that we’re trying to narrow down. I also tried to work on some of my book ideas, but I suffered a creative drain when it came to my writing, and couldn’t seem to finish (or in many cases even start) anything. And other financial matters that were set to help me never materialized when I needed them to, so I was left waiting.
And I waited a lot for things to take hold that never did. Promised and planned for things.
So it was frustrating not finalizing wedding plans or getting funds in time, but that’s what 2016 will be for. The funny thing about waiting is something that a friend recently told me: If you spend all of your time waiting for things to be perfect, then you’re never going to get anything done. And I am a perfectionist. I need to “Just do it” when it comes to a few things. You can’t do all of the weird shit that I do and not be particular in a few areas.
Not so bad, I suppose. I did it on my terms. I never actually thought I’d see this age. It seemed a lifetime away. Still does, in some ways, but other than a few dings in my personal fender (and a more cautious eye on my health), it’s not so bad. My visits back to my original home helped as well. You can’t live in your past. But you can still learn from it. You can still find things of value hidden in there, reminding you, or waiting to be rediscovered. And those visits have started restructuring my future as well, though that is a story for another time.
I’m nearing a point where my “waiting” is said to end soon. I’m ready to be on the next adventure than to sit idle. I don’t plan to do 2016 with any of that “New year, new me” crap, because I’m still the same person, and always will be. I’m the boy from Corsicana. The video gamer. The San Diegan. The actor. One more face in Las Vegas. I’m all of this, and I prefer it that way.
Waiting won’t add any more titles to my life story, however.