The End of The Beard.

There comes a time when you’ve been acting as long as I have when you just know if you’re going to get the part or not. You don’t ever get a letter or a phone call (though one time has been an exception) that tells you “Sorry, but we went with someone else.” You just.. have to go with your gut feeling. So it was one morning, not different than any other, that I knew in my heart that my Pirates based adventures were not meant to be at this time. I was sad, of course, but it was a great vacation and the best audition I ever had, so I couldn’t complain. It did, however, grant me the opportunity to tie up a few loose ends….

I had to clear out all the birds living in it first....

I had to clear out all the birds living in it first….

My face!  I can feels it!

My face! I can feels it!

It was just as well. Work and play were going hand in hand, starting the month with a local baseball game….

The 51's play.

The 51′s play.

After that, I ended up being a production assistant of some weird Brazilian clothing commercial shoot.

We were out in Nelson, Nevada. Something of a halfway point between Vegas and Boulder City. It’s this anomalous little time warp of a town (which Nevada is full of), and this collection of Brazilian models just did their thing.

Let's do the time warp again!

Let’s do the time warp again!

This is literally out in the middle of nowhere.

This is literally out in the middle of nowhere.

An old shanty.

An old shanty.

Rustic chic.

Rustic chic.

But their “thing” was just strange. They wouldn’t model without music (okay, granted, fair enough), but it was only to Katy Perry’s “Hot ‘N’ Cold” song, where they would skip about and go “Ha. Ha ha. Ha. Ha ha”, in a very robotic tone, before finally pointing at nothing at all. No Katy, no robo-laugh. But what were they pointing at? As much as I tried to see this incredible object of their attention, I decided that I was clearly not worthy of being able to perceive it, and gave up. After a while of standing out there in the blistering heat, I found myself wondering how exactly this was going to translate to print media. But money is money, and when you’re an independent contractor, you just nod your head and pay the bills.

My friends did plan a Summer trip to Disneyland, and California is definitely cooler in temperature than Nevada.

I am unashamed in my love for 1980's Michael Jackson.

I am unashamed in my love for 1980′s Michael Jackson.

And my love for cartoon chipmunks.

And my love for cartoon chipmunks.

And my love for chillin' with Mulan.

And my love for chillin’ with Mulan.

But work was great. This time of the year is essentially award show season, where I did the NHL Awards and met Snoop Dogg and Natasha Henstridge:

Grainiest picture ever, fo' shizzle.

Grainiest picture ever, fo’ shizzle.

Natasha Henstridge and me.

Natasha Henstridge and me.

Then came the Daytime Emmys, which was equally full of random experiences, in no particular order:

* Had to learn and do back-up singing and choreography as backup for Marie Osmond, Tony Orlando, and Chubby Checker. There were a few moments of “Am I really doing this?”
* Got to do “The Twist” with the actual Chubby Checker. Very nice man. Soft-spoken and a little shy.
* I got sassed by Regis Philbin today because I had to accept multiple awards in a row. He looked at me warily as I got up for the next award, and held it away, saying “You got one already, pal!” and then followed up with “Look at this guy, wanting to get more awards for himself.” I found this highly amusing.
* Watched a brief rendition of a Lion King performance and the Blue Man Group designed for the show.

And of course, being a month free of my beard, I get a tip that the fourth Pirates is doing another casting out of Los Angeles.

Which meant I had to start growing the damn thing out all over again.

And I still could never explain why I woke up one morning to find this in my neighbor’s garbage can:

He loved trash.  To his irony, perhaps too much.

He loved trash. To his irony, perhaps too much.