Weird Las Vegas.

In still getting used to Las Vegas, I decided to utilize outside help. To this effect, I began to consult Weird Las Vegas and Nevada, a guide to all things unusual in the Silver State. I was only a casual reader at this point, but I decided that visiting the Simpsons house was right up my alley.

Blame the wind, not Flock of Seagulls, for the hair.

Blame the wind, not Flock of Seagulls, for the hair.

Yes, this is a real thing. Back in the Simpsons heyday, Fox did this whole contest where someone could win an actual custom-built house like from the TV show. And while the referenced article tries to act like the house no longer exists, it’s undeniable. Otherwise, how would you be able to explain this in the driveway:

D'oh!

D’oh!

This is why I love Vegas: The litany of kooky stuff that can be found around every corner.

Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em.

Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em.

During a visit to one of the off-Strip art museums, the Missus and I got approached by some glassy-eyed kid from the “Citizens Commission on Human Rights”, which is another fancy word for Scientology. Not knowing this at the time, he asked if we wanted to watch a short film. The film in question was called Psychiatry: An Industry of Death. Walking in, we were immediately asked to give our personal information. I called myself “Frank Thornton”, the actor who played Captain Peacock on Are You Being Served? and gave a made-up e-mail address. Watching the film, the Missus muttered to me: “This is a propaganda piece”. I whispered back: “Watch, they’ll be mentioning the Holocaust next”, and sure enough, that was the immediate next scene, detailing in full all of these outrageous claims that psychiatrists helped Hitler rise to power and are responsible for killing millions. The next segment said that psychiatrists are responsible for all the racism that’s ever existed and continues to exist. Meanwhile, we’re getting subjected to images of tortured babies, children, adults and animals. “I’m done with my brainwashing for today”, I said, and started to leave. As we did, they wanted us to fill out a survey, giving even more personal info. and requests for money donations. “I have to go to the bathroom”, the Missus lied. “We’ll be right back, though”, I added. We left quickly.

But that wasn’t the only adventure in store for me. Shannon, Amy and I later went to see Coldplay at the MGM Grand.

I've been on that stage more times than they have.

I’ve been on that stage more than they have.

The seats weren’t the best, but it was a great show. With plenty of energy and time left, we spent the rest of the night dancing at Studio 54.

Steve Rubell not included.

Steve Rubell not included.

This is what kills me about Vegas: They have awesome things like this that eventually get waylaid to the “It was fun while it lasted” pile for the next “big” thing. Some of these things are pretty awesome as is. Where else in town are you going to find two guys dressed as Spider-Man and Mr. Incredible dancing around, or a group of Scotsmen wearing kilts, or some drunken girl going commando while sadly dry humping a guy in the corner, or girls on trapeze swinging over the dance floor and throwing confetti? This stuff is complimentary free entertainment.

Ryan Phillippe and Salma Hayek also not included.

Ryan Phillippe and Salma Hayek also not included.

Somehow, Vegas was starting to make more sense to me.